I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
