Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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