Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
