Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
