I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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