This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
