Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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