When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
