she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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