So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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