I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
