Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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