i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
