guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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