I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Small penises have feelings too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
