you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
