Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
