I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
