This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
