My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
