1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
