is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
