If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
