3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
