how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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