If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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