She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
