I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They took my balls.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
