I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
