Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
