Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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