the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize