Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
