I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
