And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
