The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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