did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've blown a few things in my day
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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