Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
