She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
