and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
