Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
