I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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