Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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