You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
as a side note pls kill me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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