Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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