Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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