Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My vagina is very pro this idea
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
