i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
