im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
