Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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