upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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