he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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